SELMA DEAN TEAM – Page 13 – Transforming damaged emotions through spiritual counseling and eduational programs.

5 GREAT REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD NOT QUIT TODAY

James is having a good day. He still has not found a job, but is positive it will happen soon. He is eating better and has quit smoking.

This is a huge contrast to what his life looked like a few months ago. James was feeling like a loser. He was often discouraged and felt like giving up. What happened? He did not quit.

You may be experiencing discouragement or depression. You feel like giving up. Don’t quit now. You have at least 5 great reasons why you should not give up. Read on.

5 Great Reasons Why You Should Not Quit Today

You are not alone.

No one else can feel what you are going through. However, many others are also experiencing a similar issue as yours.

Be careful not to isolate yourself or attempt to conceal your distress. Isolating yourself can make you feel like no one else is going through this. Not so. You are not alone.

Force yourself to reach out to someone you trust. This could be a therapist, relative, friend, or your pastor. You should also use the library, bookstore, or Google to research possible solutions.

You are on a journey.

Compare your life to taking a road trip. You will come across some lovely places as you travel. Unfortunately, you will also see some not-so-lovely places. However, you keep moving as you travel through it all.

The same idea applies to your life’s journey. Some times are good. Some are not-so-good. But you must keep traveling. Know that you are not in either place to stay.

You can make it through this day.

“One day at a time,” sounds simple. However, it can be quite challenging. On some days, it can take all your energy to make it through one minute. That’s okay.

Imagine your thoughts are attached to a light switch. When your mind starts obsessing or dreading, flip your switch to “off.” Then, return your focus to what you are doing and where you are at that moment.

You are loved.

Young children need to experience unconditional love from their parents. But as adults, we may never find this kind of love in our relationships. However, unconditional love is still possible for you.

I encourage you to seek the life-changing, unconditional, love of God. Be willing to let go of any pre-conceived ideas. Then, open your mind to experience God’s infinite love for you.

You are making our world better.

By going through this difficult time, you are living your purpose. How? There is someone waiting to hear your story. As you share your experience and strength, you make our world better.

Finally…

Stay on the journey. Don’t stop now. You don’t want to miss the lovely places ahead of you!

Question: What can you say to someone who feels like giving up? You can leave a comment by clicking here. (You can read my Comments Policy by clicking here.)

SDT HAS MOVED TO FLORIDA!

Did you miss us? We have certainly missed you. But, we have a great excuse for our brief absence. We were moving from Manassas, Virginia to Melbourne, Florida!

SDT has moved to the Sunshine State! We are extremely excited about living and serving in the Melbourne community.

However, our goal remains to bring you fresh insight each week wherever you live. Your emotional well-being is our priority. Our purpose is to serve you better than before. Here’s how we plan to do it.

We are fine tuning our subjects on Emotional Health to better meet your needs.

We heard your comments. Thank you for sharing what has helped you. You have also shared your other needs and interests.

We love your emails as well as your web site comments. Please keep those comments and suggestions coming! We will keep posting on the subjects that most meet your needs.

We are planning and scheduling our Emotional Healing outreach services.

Some of you asked if we were available for outreach and speaking events. The answer is, “Yes.” We facilitate Emotional Healing Workshops, and offer inspirational speaking to professional and religious organizations.

Also, you will soon be able to purchase our Emotional Healing Curriculum designed for youth.

Call or email us for more information. Click here for our contact information.

You can look to hear from us again this week as we return to our weekly postings and newsletters.

Meanwhile, take good care and stay in peace.

3 STEPS FOR BREAKING THE BAD

Think of just one thing you do that has become a habit. It could be something you repeat every minute or every hour.

It could be something you do weekly, monthly or yearly. You may hate doing it or you might immensely enjoy it!

But now, this habit is causing problems for you or someone you are close to.

If you are not sure your habit is a problem, please answer, “yes” or “no,” to each of the four questions below.

Has someone asked you more than once to stop doing it?
Is it a problem for someone else that you know well?
Does it adversely affect your health?
When you are not doing it, or you constantly thinking about it?

If you answered, “Yes,” to at least one of the above questions, you could be stuck in a bad habit.

Without a doubt, breaking a bad habit is difficult. Even worse, the longer you’ve practiced the habit, the harder it is to stop doing it.

But here’s the good news! You can break that bad habit. Here are 3 steps to get you started.

1. Awareness.

For most of us, our bad habits are obvious. But for others, there is this thing called, “denial.”

You’ve taken the quiz above. You answered, “Yes,” to one question. Are you still not convinced? Talk it over with your loved ones. They will tell you the truth. Believe them.

2. Acknowledge.

Now that you are aware of your bad habit, own up to it. Say to yourself, “I have a problem with _______. I want to stop doing this.” Repeat this often each day until it sinks in. But please, do not stop here.

Next, you must consent with yourself to change. Nothing can happen if you don’t commit yourself to making a change. Go all in! You deserve a better life.

3. Action.

Develop a plan. Do not try to solve all your problems at once. Start with your most serious, bad habit. After you experience success with it, move on to the next issue.

It is essential to replace the unhealthy habit with a healthy one. Some examples are: pausing before speaking, drinking water instead of snacking, walking instead of watching television. Practice is the key!

Educate yourself. A good place to start is to read my previous post, My Cycle of Healing for Toxic Fear. The principles discussed there can work for here.

Bad habits can be outward signs of underlying emotional problems. Get help from your doctor, pastor, or support groups. You don’t have to do this alone.

Transformation is a life-long journey. Be encouraged. You are already making your life better. Talk to us about your success or problems by leaving a comment below. We love sharing with you.

Here are some other online resources on changing bad habits that I use and find very helpful.

James Clear. How to Break A Bad Habit (and Replace It With A Good One). http://jamesclear.com/how-to-break-a-bad-habit.
WebMD. 3 Easy Steps to Breaking Bad Habits. http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/3-easy-steps-to-breaking-bad-habits

You can leave a comment by clicking here. (You can read my Comments Policy by clicking here.)

TEAMING UP FOR EMOTIONAL HEALING

A problem exists. Something has to be done!

The group forms to solve the problem. This group could consist of family members, athletes, employees, military personnel, or students. Each member commits to accomplishing a common goal. They become a team.

We, at the Selma Dean Team are bound by a shared problem: Toxic emotions and negative thinking. We also share a common goal: Live our life’s purpose with our best emotional health.

Why join our team? Our Selma Dean Team members come from all the groups mentioned above, plus many others.

You are not alone. You may not realize it; others have struggled to overcome emotional problems similar to yours. Many have succeeded, and so can you!
Others can benefit from your strengths. Likewise, you can benefit from their strengths. The power of your individual weakness is reduced as you grow stronger.

Who is the team leader? Hi. I’m Selma. I assumed the role of the Selma Dean Team leader for two reasons.

First reason: I’ve been there. Now, like you, I am participating in this marathon of healing toxic emotions. (Read my story by clicking here.)
Second reason: I am passionate about helping you discover peace and purposeful living. Through my professional preparation and experience, I am prepared to lead you on this journey. (Click here to read my biography.)

Who are the other team members? Our list of team members starts with you. Here’s why:

You are probably reading this because you are interested in emotional healing. Welcome! You are now a member of the team.
You are becoming empowered through knowledge. Learn as much you can about healing your emotions through our weekly blogs and other resources. “Knowledge is power!”
You are discovering your life’s purpose. Freeing yourself of toxic emotions allows you to get rid of the clutter and baggage that has blocked you from becoming who you were created to be.

Are there other teams? Yes! There are different paths that will lead you to emotional healing. Create a support team. Keep searching until you find what works best for your specific needs and beliefs.

Visit your doctor to discuss counseling.
Explore online articles to learn more about your issue.
Seek out support groups and services that promote emotional healing.
Remember, your well-being is very important to us at selmadean.com. We love having you on our team!

Question: What are some ways that you, the individual, can contribute to the emotional healing of others? You can leave a comment by clicking here. (You can read my Comments Policy by clicking here.)

SHATTERED HOPES AND BROKEN DREAMS

3 True Stories of Shattered Hopes and Broken Dreams

A young man has dreams of escaping the poverty he was born into. He uses his talent to break into the entertainment industry. His first performance fails. Now he is once again staring at the face of poverty.

A 52-year old, former teacher has invested her life in service to others. Sadly, on this day, she is arrested for trying to do the right thing.

A young woman is engaged and planning her wedding . But everything changes when she discovers she is pregnant, and the father is not her fiancé.

Who are these 3 people? See below.

The young man is Tyler Perry. He is a contemporary film producer, director, screenwriter, playwright, author, and songwriter. Also a philanthropist, he has given millions to humanitarian causes.

The 52 year old woman is Susan B. Anthony. She’s best remembered for her role in the Women’s Suffragist Movement. The Susan B. Anthony amendment of 1920 gave all women the right to vote.

The young woman is Mary, Mother of Jesus.

We now see that great things can still follow shattered hopes and dreams. First, we have to recover from the hurt.

Here are 5 steps to help you heal from your setback toward greatness. These 5 steps are far from complete. But we’ve got to start somewhere. So, let’s get going!

5 Steps for recovering from the hurt

Accept it. It is what it is! Your plans failed. Your hopes are shattered. It’s over. Admit to it. Accept the painful truth. But don’t stop here. This is the beginning of your healing process.
Mourn the loss. Your dream meant everything to you. Take time to mourn your loss. Cry hard! Talk it out with a sympathetic friend. Journal your feelings. Pray. Avoid artificial means of coping. Alcohol, drugs, and food, will only temporarily numb your pain .
Keep the faith. This is the part where you get to work on yourself. Forgive where needed. Spend time nurturing your spiritual being. Susan B. Anthony grew up in a Quaker family. Tyler Perry is open about his faith. Mary- well, you know the rest of that story!
Bounce back. As soon as you can get back in the game, go for it! Keep repeating the 3 steps above while expecting your healing to occur. Speak positive affirmations to yourself. Ignore the voices of negativity.
Start now. No more procrastination. Write out your goals and plans. Work on them each day. You are stronger now. You are wiser now.

Use the steps above that work for you. Disregard any that don’t. Whatever you do, never give up!

Remember this; You were created to share your greatness with this world. This is who you are.

For help with healing the toxic emotions that surfaces during difficult times, click here.

Question: Have you recovered from any shattered hopes or broken dreams? How so? You can leave a comment by clicking here. (You can read my Comments Policy by clicking here.)

References:

Susan B. Anthony, http://www.pbs.org/godinamerica/people/susan-b-anthony.html.
Mary,http://www.christianity.about.com/od/newtestamentpeople/p/marymotherjesus.htm.
Tyler Perry, http://www.tylerperry.com

5 SURE WAYS TO BECOME THE CRAZY IN THE FAMILY!

With families, we feel love. Through families, we experience security. Within families, we have crazy. I confess. In my loving, secure family, I was the “Crazy.”

How to Lose Your Sanity in 10 Easy Steps, written by Lara Nemell-Barette, was recently posted on BLOGHER. The post is hilarious and true. It’s spiced with a few expletives, but, I related to every step! In fact, it’s the inspiration for this blog.

Take it from me, you never want to be the crazy family member. But, just in case you do, here are 5 sure ways to get there.

5 Sure Ways to Become the “Crazy” in the Family!

Never say how you truly feel because you don’t want to hurt another’s feelings. The crazy ones are not always the screaming relatives who will tell you exactly how they feel. (They may be rude or unthoughtful, but not crazy). The crazy person is you or me trying to get everyone to love us by never expressing our true feelings. Stop that! Express your true feelings when asked! Defend yourself if needed. But remember the Golden Rule: “Speak to others the way you’d like to be spoken to.”
Compare yourself to another family member. Maybe you look up to all the successful, high achievers in your family. Maybe, you are the only high achiever in your family and don’t understand why the others won’t get off their duff! Either way, if you’re always measuring yourself against someone else, you lose. We all have different purposes and callings in life. Start putting all your efforts into being the person you were created to be!
Make sure everything you do is perfect (My Way or the Highway). It is not that anything we perfectionists do is ever perfect. It’s that we drive ourselves crazy trying to make it perfect. So, we’re always finding fault, procrastinating, making excuses, trying to outdo, regretting, etc. Start experiencing joy in what you do by giving it your best. Afterward, create time to relax and rest.
Take care of everyone else. Spend every day making sure all the fully-abled adults in your life are taken care of. Rescue your grown children over and over. Keep trying to change your spouse. Constantly lecture the addict. What’s missing here? Your life.
Believe everything your preteen and teenage children say. If you never have to speak to a child, ignore this part. If your children and grandchildren won’t lie to you before you can blink, ignore this part. For the rest of us, accept the fact that our children may tend to give us their “version” of the truth. Trust me. Teachers are far too busy to make up lies about your child!

Our crazy is often rooted in generational strongholds of toxic emotions. Click here to discover ways to break free of the harmful emotions.

Question: Have you ever been the “Crazy” in your family? How so? You can leave a comment by clicking here. (You can read my Comments Policy by clicking here.)

DIFFICULT STRANGERS

Can you remember the last confrontation you had with a stranger? Were you provoked by a road-rage bully? A rude, store clerk? An annoying customer? A friend of a friend’s Facebook comment? Someone who did not know you from Adam? However, that one-time, brief, encounter with the stranger was extremely upsetting to you!

Why are some people so hard to get along with?” My answer to that question is, “It does not matter.” People are complex and a person’s behavior can fluctuate from nice to grouchy in an hour or less.

I suggest we stop devoting our time and energy to trying to figure people out. We’ll leave that job to the psychotherapists. But we can take action to avoid internalizing rude behavior toward us. Today, our focus is protecting ourselves from rude strangers.

You may never see this road-rage bully again. But, undoubtedly, you will experience a difficult customer if you work in customer service. Whatever the case, how can you prevent a rude encounter with a stranger from ruining your day? You have to transform your thinking.

An Exercise in Transformational Thinking

Put your safety first. First and foremost, are you in a safe environment? That means both physically and emotionally. If the answer is no, and you feel you could be harmed, you should get away as quickly as possible. You have nothing to prove. Choose to walk away. Then, when you are safe, get help from the proper authority (i.e. manager, law enforcement).

Work at Controlling your anger. If you are in a safe environment, it is ok to protect yourself emotionally. Choose to not react to another’s anger or rudeness. Try to respond calmly. Take deep breaths. Ask for someone else to assist you. Again, you can always choose to walk away.

Express your feelings. Someone may say to you, “Shake it off” or “That was nothing.” Ignore them. It mattered to you and your feelings matter. Write your thoughts in a journal or talk it over with someone who will hear your heart. Pray about it. But don’t shrug off the incident. It won’t just go away; it will only get buried inside of you.

Don’t swallow the poison. Forgive them. Why bother to forgive a minor altercation with a stranger? After all, you don’t even know their name! But remember, forgiving is for your benefit. By forgiving the person, you are spitting out the very poison he or she tried to feed you. As a result, you will experience the joy of emotional healing.

Question: How did you handle your last confrontation with a stranger? You can leave a comment by clicking here. (You can read my Comments Policy by clicking here.)

MY CYCLE OF HEALING TOXIC FEAR

This weekend I will get to visit our grandchildren in South Carolina. After hugs and kisses, I always say to them, “Look how tall you’re getting!” In one look, I can easily see all the growth that happened over several months. However, to their parents, the growth in each child is not so apparent until it’s time for new clothes or shoes.

Why begin this post on healing toxic fears with a story about growth? That is exactly how it works on this journey of transformative thinking and emotional healing.

The positive change you are desperately needing may only occur in tiny increments. You won’t see progress immediately.

I can summarize my cycle of healing in 4 steps. The great part about this cycle is it works for whatever toxic emotion you are struggling with.

Try replacing your specific emotional problem with the word “fear” in the steps below. Then follow the 4 steps to begin your journey of emotional healing.

Cycle of Healing for the Toxic Emotion of Fear

Own Up to Your Fears

Fear originates from many sources. My many issues include growing up in alcoholism. You may have also experienced the havoc of living in addiction.

In families touched by addiction, putting on a “brave face” to hide fear and shame can begin in childhood. I always wore a brave face in public. But privately, I was suffering.

By the time I admitted to living with fear, I felt completely defeated. However, by owning up to my problem, the power of fear over me was broken! The first step toward emotional healing had begun.

Look Upward for Help

You will need help to recover from the toxicity of living in fear. I had made a big mess of my life and needed a safe place to unload years of pain.

I was a faithful and dedicated to the church. But this secret of mine could not be solved by just attending church. I needed someone to lead me. I looked up to God alone.

Give Up Your Fears

To stop living in fear, you must be willing to give it up. For example, it was easier for me to go along with what I did not agree with than to say, “no” and risk rejection.

My prayers soon changed from, “Please take this away” to “Please give me the strength to give this up.”

Change Your thinking

It’s extremely important to change your thinking. I found help with negative thinking through prayer and meditation, counseling, joining a support group, and studying literature on emotional healing.

What does the wonderful person you were created to be look like? Begin to practice being that person by using the 4 steps.

Remember, the 4 steps are cyclical. Work the steps every day. If you are sincere and persistent, you will begin to see the results.

Then, find someone to bring along with us on this wonderful journey of emotional healing!

Question: Are there additional steps you can add to the 4-Step Cycle discussed above? You can leave a comment by clicking here. (You can read my Comments Policy by clicking here.)

HOW HEALED EMOTIONS CAUSES TRANSFORMATION

Hello. I am Selma Cobb Dean. The legendary John Lennon wrote, “One thing you can’t hide – is when you’re crippled inside.” However, you do not have to remain crippled inside forever. You can experience freedom inside by renewing your mind. I did. Here is my story.

Toxic emotions can begin in childhood. For many years, I wore a brave face to disguise my many layers of emotional pain. Fear and shame were among the harmful emotions that followed me from childhood into adulthood.

We learn to cope with emotional pain. I was great at coping. Years could go by without my acknowledging the hidden, emotional pain. Unfortunately, it eventually manifested again through depression. Through my faith, counseling, and medication, I learned to manage the depression. But the cycle never stopped.

We already have access to healing within us. Several years ago, my mother-in-law encouraged me to go “deeper” in my spiritual life. It would be years later that I would apply her wisdom to my emotional dysfunction. Wanting to do more than just cope, I also began seeking emotional healing through my spirituality (Emphasis on spiritual and not religion).

Transformation happens. I took the first step of healing by admitting my problem with fear. Next, who or what was big enough to trust with my healing? I turned to God. Finally, I began to practice by taking small steps to dismiss my fears. For example, I learned to respectfully disagree and say “no” without the fear of rejection.

It worked! The lethal emotions that once plagued me are continually being replaced with healthier emotions. Today, I am one who has experienced wonderful transformation through emotional healing. I am excited about living out my purpose more than ever! This includes helping you to transform your toxic emotions into a healthy and positive state of mind.

Join our team. So, here we are. I am a trained, spiritual counselor and experienced educator. My daughter, Vashti Dean, joins me in this team effort. She brings to us her expertise in internet technology and is our programs coordinator. Vashti also has a powerful testimony of healing that she will share with you later.

You or someone you love are experiencing defeat and pain from toxic emotions or negative thinking. We invite you to join our team. We want to help you to transform a life governed by toxic emotions to a life filled with peace, purpose, and positive energy.

Emotional healing is possible for you. Welcome home.

Question: What are your experiences with toxic emotions? You can leave a comment by clicking here. (You can read my Comments Policy by clicking here.)