This is a dreadful day for you. You may have some difficult decisions. You may be failing. Perhaps you have suffered a loss. You want out.
How do you get through this day? It will not be easy. However, there is a way out – go through it.
You may not be able to control what’s facing you today. But, there are 4 areas of daily care that you can control today. Take a little time to consciously practice caring for yourself in each area. Before long, you will have come through this challenging day.
4 Areas of Daily Care
Care for Your Spirit. Your inner person or spirit deserves the best care possible. Make prayer a priority each day. Prayer does not have to be a formal event. It simply involves communicating your heart to God. You can do it at anytime and anywhere (I Thessalonians 5:17).
Care for Your Soul. Your mind, will, and emotions all make up your soul. Strained relationships can cause strained emotions. Take an occasional break from the demands of your day. Avoid negative behaviors and people(Colossians 3:8-9). Find help with a counselor or pastor if you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed.
Care for Your Body. Your body is the outer layer of you. Just as too much attention to it may result in shallowness, not enough attention could be detrimental. Eat a healthy meal. Take a nap. Enjoy a relaxing bath. Your body is worthy of respect(I Corinthians 6:19).
Care for Someone Else. You’ve taken the time to care for yourself. Now, look beyond yourself to care for someone else (Philippians 2:4). It could be a kind word to a stranger. Send an encouraging text. Hug someone. Remember that you are here for a purpose that is much larger than yourself!
Thank you for visiting SDT for Transformation. Because of you, we have experienced tremendous success for our first year. You can look forward to our continued efforts to share the Good News about God’s transformation power!
We wish you peace as you celebrate the birth of Christ, and blessings for the New Year!
By now, at age 62, I thought I would have my weight problem under control. Not so. I’m still working at it!
Like me, you could be feeling, “By Now,” about a personal challenge. You think, “By now, I should be able to forget about that.” “By now, I should be making more money.” Maybe, after so many years past, you are still struggling to overcome a soured relationship.
There is good news! Our “By Now” moments lessen as we learn to “Live Now” in God’s grace. Join me on this journey of grace. Read on to find out how.
3 Ways to Live Now in God’s Grace
Accept God’s gift to you. Grace is a gift from God. This gift is his love in action to you. He offers this gift to you. But you can never benefit from a gift unless you accept it. To accept the gift, you must believe in God’s salvation plan. (Ephesians 2:8-9, Romans 10:9)
Live one day at a time. A Christian counselor recently reminded me God gives us grace for each day. We often make the mistake of carrying today’s grace into tomorrow. Jesus taught us not to worry about tomorrow. Each day has enough trouble of its own! Plan for tomorrow, but live for today. (Matthew 6:34)
Share your gift. You are created in Christ Jesus to do the good things He planned for you. Get busy extending the grace you receive to others. Forgiving is at the top of my list because it can be very difficult. Sharing your time and resources are also ways to share grace. When we help people in need, we focus less on ourselves. (Ephesians 2:10).
Finally,
My weight may not be ideal yet. However,my goal is much larger: to achieve my best health each day. Also, I am totally thankful for the great things God has done in my life: no more focusing on what should or could have been.
It’s important for you to continue planning and setting goals for your future. You have God’s grace to live out those plans and achieve your goals one day at a time.
Join those of us who have said goodbye to “By Now.” Make a decision right now to start living in the gift of grace granted to you for today. Then, you will find yourself growing in that grace each day. ( 2Peter 3:18)
Peace.
Do you have a question or comment for this post? We’d love to hear from you. Click here.
Are you, or someone you love, in a stormy relationship?
My family experienced our first major hurricane a few years ago. By then, we’d already survived at least two blizzards, two tornadoes, and two small earthquakes!
The earthquakes happened without warnings. However, each storm was predicted with many warnings issued in advance. In the end, each natural occurrence left some level of damage behind.
Like storms and earthquakes, toxic relationships create fear. Emotional damage is always left behind. You may or may not be in a toxic relationship, but toxic people are everywhere! An encounter with them is inevitable. However, you can survive and recover from unhealthy relationships and stormy encounters.
Read on.
Toxic relationships can affect you like dangerous storms.
1. Hurricanes are significant wind events known to destroy large, coastal areas. Likewise, human hurricanes are destructive to everyone around them. They are incredibly self-seeking and resistant to change.
Human hurricanes blame you for the misery they bring. Maybe it’s time for you to evacuate away from the human hurricanes.
2. Tornadoes are usually spawned from severe thunderstorms. They pass through territories leaving damage to whatever is in the path.
Do you know someone who likes to stir up trouble and care less about who gets hurt? That’s a human tornado. Take shelter from this person!
3. Blizzards are severe snowstorms with high winds. It is difficult to drive or walk in a blizzard.
Human blizzards make it difficult for you to move forward with your life. They storm you with fault finding, criticism, and calloused remarks. You are left feeling rejected, discouraged, and defeated. Get out of the path of these icy blizzards.
4. Earthquakes can be equally or more dangerous as the above storms. These natural hazards happen with little warning. It’s the same with human earthquakes.
You are minding your own business. Then it suddenly happens. The earthquake comes. It shakes you up with all sorts of unnecessary drama, awful news, or gossip (usually about you). Run from these human earthquakes!
As with natural occurrences, you have no control over the actions of toxic personalities. However, you have control over your responses to them.
1. Pay attention. Look for the warning signs. Dark clouds and strong winds warn of an approaching storm.
Disrespect, anger, and mistrust in your relationships indicate trouble ahead. Do not ignore the red flags of abuse. You are worthy of respect and trust.
2. Protect yourself. We seek shelter during severe storms. Evacuations may be mandated to save lives. Likewise, you must protect yourself from toxic people.
Remove yourself from their destructive paths. Refuse to believe the negative words hurdled at you. Stop making excuses for abusive people and troublemakers. This applies to family as well as friends.
3. Prepare ahead. We prepare for natural disasters by stocking up on food, water, batteries, and flashlights. By paying attention and protecting yourself daily, you are also preparing to avoid future toxic relationships.
Also, a committed spiritual lifestyle can give you strength and peace of mind. Take care to avoid drugs and alcohol abuse. Eat healthily and exercise often. Challenge yourself intellectually.
Find help after the storm.
After the storm, residents begin to clean-up and repair the storm damages. Very often, these storm victims require professional help with broader repair issues. They may also need support from local and national agencies.
After suffering emotional damage from a toxic relationship, you need restoration. Find someone you trust to help you. Your pastor, a compassionate therapist, or a support group are great resources to help you recover. It is God’s will for you to live your life in love, peace, and safety.
Question: Have you ever been the toxic person in a relationship? How did you change? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
There is at least one conversation you will have each day. It’s the
one inside your head. So, what have you been saying to yourself lately?
Are you gripped by persistent, negative
thinking?
If you are bombarded with negative thoughts, you did not get
that way overnight. A lifetime of fear, shame, and other harmful emotions can
lead to persistent, negative thinking.
Here are just a few examples of what could be fueling your
negative thinking.
You have unresolved anger, shame, and other harmful emotions.
You are too consumed with what others are doing that may not concern you.
You are in an abusive relationship.
You Frequently rehash your past mistakes and wrong decisions.
You feel you are always right.
Get to positive thinking by flipping the
switch!
Once I
was seeing a therapist who taught me how to turn off my negative thinking and ruminating.
She encouraged me to “flip the switch.”
Here is
how it works.
When you become lost in negative thinking, turn off the negativity by flipping an imaginary switch in your mind. You can literally make the gesture with your finger as if reaching up to flip off a light switch. Eventually, you will not have to use that motion. Flipping the switch will become a mental habit.
After turning off the negative thought, replace it with a loving, positive thought: the ocean, a newborn baby, a song, or a happy memory. You can also think of a loving word or phrase to silently replace the negative thoughts. Some examples are love, Jesus, or “It’s a blessed day.”
Reinforce your habit of replacing negative thoughts by using the same loving thought or words each time.
Keep calm when you recognize the reoccurrence of negative thinking. It’s great that you are now becoming aware of it.
As soon as you become aware of your negative thoughts or conversation, start the process of flipping the switch over again. There is no limit to how often you should do it.
You
will never be free of negative thoughts. This is fine. You can, however,
be free of the bondage of negative thinking. It’s also important to remember
that some negative thoughts can help you by warning you of pending danger.
After 10
plus years of practicing this and other cognitive behavior techniques, my
emotional IQ has skyrocketed! I am more productive in my work. I feel less
intimidated. I no longer try to control everyone else. I sleep much better. This
all began when I discovered how to change the conversation in my head.
One
word of caution: this technique is not for you if you suffer with any kind of
mental illness. Before trying this
exercise, you should get the approval of your doctor or therapist.
Question: Can you share a
technique that helps you stop negative thinking? You can leave a comment by
clicking here.
Are you selfless? You probably spend a lot of energy making your bosses happy. You spend most of your time making your families comfortable. Without a doubt, you are a loving and caring person.
But there is a problem that happens too often with loving, caring people like us. We become so selfless that no “self” is left for us.
There is a better way to love and care for others. Start by putting you first.
Should you always put yourself first? Not literally. However, your spiritual, physical, and emotional well-being must become a priority. By practicing excellent self-care, you will think clearer and have more energy to care for others.
Devote some time each day to care for your spirit, mind, and body. There is no one way to do this. You have to discover what best works for you.
Here are the 3 priorities for putting you first.
The Spiritual You– Start each day with prayer and meditation. Talk to God about your problems and concerns for the day. Trust God for guidance with your tasks and decisions.
The Emotional You– Whatever is going on in your mind drives your emotions. Let go of past hurts and disappointments by practicing forgiveness. If necessary, find a professional to help you let go of emotional pain. Find a way to relax each day.
The Physical You– Practice good health habits each day. Eat healthier. Get a regular exercise routine. Get enough sleep. Start by making small changes and set goals for yourself.
Finally, …
You deserve to be your best self. The people you love and serve will greatly benefit from a healthy and stress-free you!
Question: What changes have you made recently to take better care of you? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
Fear can be a healthy emotion. It serves us in a good way by making us aware of danger. Because of fear, we avoid dark allies and teach our children to beware of strangers. It’s healthy fear that reminds us to wash our hands.
Fear is also a toxic emotion. Fear rules over us when we allow personal setbacks, bad news in our communities and negative world events to steal our joy. Eventually, we develop a fear of living.
When you have a fear of living, you only cleave to familiar people and places. You live with unfounded paranoia and distrust. There is little or no joy in your life.
However, when you live free of fear’s control, you experience joy.
If you have become fearful of living, you can break free. Here are 4 steps to help you take back your life. These 4 steps are taken from my earlier post, My Cycle for Healing Toxic Fear.
4 Steps to Lose the Fear and Take Back Your Life
Own Your Fears – Fear originates from many sources. Certain events in life can embed fears. For example, fear of water could stem from an incident in the water during childhood. Be honest with yourself. When and how did your fear begin?
Look Upward for Help – You will need help to recover from toxic fear. I encourage you to look to God for help. You should also seek professional help as needed. There are many books and online resources related to coping with fear.
Give Up Your Fears – To stop living in fear, you must be willing to give it up. Fearfulness may have been your “normal.” But once you make a decision to let it go, the fear will begin to leave.
Change Your thinking –Negative thinking accompanies fearfulness. I found help with negative thinking through prayer and meditation, counseling, joining a support group, and studying literature on emotional healing.
Finally…
The four steps are just the beginning of your journey to freedom. As you begin to lose the fears, you will discover your purpose in living. You were given one, beautiful, life. Live it with joy and peace.
Snap out of it! If you are suffering from depression, it’s some of the worse advice you can get. If you are attempting to help someone with depression, it’s one of the worse things you can say. Why? Read on.
Depression is a serious illness. It can be life-threatening. According to WebMD, if someone has the following symptoms for two weeks or more, it could be depression.
Feeling sad, hopeless, or tearful nearly every day.
Loss of interest or not getting pleasure from most daily activities that they used to enjoy.
What do you say to someone with depression? Here are 4 comments to avoid, and some suggestions for what to do or say instead.
1. This is just a phase. It will pass soon. Yes, it is a phase, but it may not pass soon. In fact, without treatment, the depression could get worse. Instead, you can say, “I hope you feel better soon,” or “How can I help you?”
2. Just give it to God.They have. People dealing with depression are desperate for help. They may even question their faith because of their feelings of defeat. Worse, some religious groups may equate mental illnesses such as depression as demonic.
Try reminding the depressed person she is dealing with an illness. Reassure her of God’s love for her. Offer to pray for her or with her (James 5:14-15, Psalm 41:3).
3. Happiness is a choice.Given a choice, no one would choose depression over happiness. Depressed people struggle daily to put on a happy face, but they are hurting deep inside.
Try allowing them to share their feelings freely and openly. Be careful. Do not try to talk them out of their feelings. However, if they are having suicidal thoughts, call 911 immediately. Reassure them they can choose to get well (Proverbs 17:22, Psalm 147:3).
4. You should get out more. On most days, depressed people struggle to get out of bed. Their appearances may begin to suffer. They may not have the energy to keep the house clean. They can become withdrawn.
Again, encourage the depressed person to see their doctor. Better yet, offer to drive him there (Matthew 9:12, Jeremiah 8:22).
On this past father’s day, I listened to an Air Force chaplain speak of several ways to build a legacy. He illustrated how serving others was one way to build our legacies. I could easily relate to a legacy of service through my dad.
Dad regularly served his neighbors and church with his carpentry and plumbing skills. Also a barber, he visited sick and elderly neighbors at their homes to give shaves and haircuts.
Sincere, heartfelt, service to others is always a win-win. When you spend time helping others, you add value to their lives. In return, you discover purpose and fulfillment for your life.
Read on to discover four reasons why serving others will also serve you. 4 Reasons Why Serving Others Also Serve You
Service substitutes busyness – By using some of your energy to help someone else, you will better prioritize your time. You will learn to spend more time on what is most important.
Service cures self-absorption – We step back from being totally consumed by our own issues. We may even begin to realize that our lives are pretty good compared to others!
Service combats boredom – Are you spending countless hours playing games and watching movies? This could equal boredom. Serving others is the antidote to boredom.
Service assets career moves – You may be dreaming of a better job or changing your career. Spend some time volunteering in that area. You can get a feel for what it’s like. You can network. You also gain valuable experience for your job resume.
There are many opportunities to serve all around us. Who needs your help? Among many, here are just a few categories.
Elderly Citizens – Meals-on-Wheels, community centers, care centers.
Churches – Endless opportunities for church members.
Non-profit Organizations – Medical centers, museums, libraries, parks.
Finally…
There are no rules for how often you should serve. You can commit to once a year, once a month, once a week, or once a day. Your time and sincere commitment are always needed and appreciated.
If volunteering to serve in a group is too much, consider this: There is at least one person who can use a phone call today to cheer them up. Start by reaching out to one person at a time.
Caution! The people we serve are not there to meet our needs or make us feel complete. We make ourselves servants for their good. We do no harm.
Question: How has serving others also served you? You can leave a comment by clicking here. (You can read my Comments Policy by clicking here.)
