Category Archives: Spiritual Counseling

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YOU GIVE PEACE TO THE WORLD

There is a type of peace that many do not understand. It is the peace you, God’s child, give to the world. Read on.

There is a reason many people cannot understand your peace. They have glimpsed into your life and witnessed you go through some challenging times. Yet, you never gave up. They heard of your illness, your grief, and your pain, yet never heard you complain.

Here is your secret. On the day Jesus ascended to Heaven, he promised to leave you peace. He did, and you were among the ones who accepted it.

Many others love God, but do they know that, with salvation, God offers the gift of peace to them? Do they understand that this gift only needs to be personally accepted? Do they erroneously equate peace with personal feelings or the conditions surrounding them?

But for you, the acceptance of God’s gift of peace is evident. It shines like a bright light in your daily life. As a result, you give hope to a world filled with hopelessness.

You think, “I don’t always feel at peace.” You are, after all, only human. Remember this. In spite of how torn and troubled you may feel, God’s supernatural peace never leaves you, his beloved child.

You are God’s chosen instrument, mouthpiece, or silent vessel of peace through Jesus Christ. Embrace your role. Be grateful for each opportunity to share God’s peacefulness.

As you celebrate God’s gift of Jesus to the world, also celebrate Christ’s gift of peace to you. Then, as you have always done, continue to give your peace to the world.

  Scripture References:

Thank you for sharing your peace with us this year. Merry Christmas! We love hearing from you. Click here to leave a question or comment. 

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HERE’S HOW I PLAN TO STOP JUDGING OTHERS!

Today I’m reading Matthew 7:1. It is telling me to not judge others. I say, “Amen.” But the truth is, I judge others all day long!
Do you often comment on what someone else should do, or how others should handle their problems? You too, could be guilty of judging. Even worse, you are also judging yourself. Read on.

What we actually see or hear from another person are mere facts. But, before we form an opinion about the person, we should look very carefully at our own behaviors.

Any intentional, negative, interpretation or opinion about another person’s behavior is what Jesus calls “judging.” Jesus makes it clear in Matthew 7:2 that we will reciprocate whatever we pronounce on others. (This, alone, is my greatest motivation to quit judging)!

Here is how you and I can stop judging others. Let’s start right now!

  1. Recognize when our thoughts are just criticisms. You can tell the difference between caring and criticizing if you just stop and think.
  2. Pair your thoughts about another’s behavior with prayer. Pray for the person instead of making rash judgements.
  3. Stop before you speak negative thoughts aloud. Do something else. For example: Take a deep breath. Count to ten. Recite Matthew 7:1 five times.
  4. Excuse yourself from gossipers. Even if you remain in the same space, you do not have to participate with their gossip.
  5. Consider your own behavior. Be honest. What do you need to change about yourself? Confess it to God. Study scriptures that will help you to change.

As we learn to take our focus off the behavior of others and practice self-examining:

  1. We grow increasingly peaceful (Philippians 4:9).
  2. We become more productive in reaching our goals in life (Galatians 6:4).
  3. We are able to show sincere love to others because we aren’t criticizing or gossiping about them (Romans 12:9-10).

Please join me by declaring this affirmation. Let’s say it every time we are tempted to judge someone.

We love hearing from you. Please click here to leaving comments or questions. God bless! 

 

 

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5 REASONS WHY YOU CAN’T GIVE UP NOW

Today’s post was originally posted on May 30, 2016, but recently re-written with the scripture citations.

5 Reasons Why You Can’t Give Up Now!

James has finally found a job! Just 3 weeks ago, he wanted to give up. What happened? He did not quit. Like James, you may feel like giving up on something or someone. Read on.

There are at least 5 reasons why you can’t give up now!

1.You are not alone. “…for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6.
Stop isolating yourself or burying your distress during hard times. Reach out to someone you trust: a therapist, friend, or your pastor. Use the library, bookstore, or Google, along with your Bible, to research possible solutions.

2. You are on a journey. “Even though I walk through the darkest valley I will fear no evil, for you are with me…” Psalm 23:4
Compare your life’s journey with driving to a location far away. You will come across some lovely places as you travel. You will also see some not-so-lovely places. However, you keep moving down the road.

Keep in mind you are not in either place to stay.

3. You can make it through this day. “Do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself…” Matthew 6:34
“One day at a time,” sounds simple. It is not. Some days, it takes all your energy to make it through one minute. That’s okay. Keep bringing your thinking back to a positive place.

When you feel yourself obsessing or dreading, try flipping the switch in your mind. To do this, imagine your thoughts are attached to a light switch. You can literally turn off negative thinking by flipping your mind’s “off” switch. Then, you are free for positive and productive thinking.

4. You are loved. “This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 1 John 4:10
Young children need to experience unconditional love from their parents. As adults, we may never find this kind of love in our relationships. However, unconditional love is still possible for you.

God loves you unconditionally. Let go of any pre-conceived ideas about who God is. When you open your mind, you will experience God’s infinite love for you.

5. You are making our world better. “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Unbelievably, by going through this difficult time, you are living out your purpose! There is someone who needs to hear your story. By sharing your experience and strength with others, you make our world better.

Finally…Stay on the journey. Don’t give up now. God loves you. He is your navigator throughout your difficult journey.

We love hearing from you! You can leave a comment or question by clicking here.

 

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IT’S TIME TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST

Are you selfless? You probably spend a lot of energy making your bosses happy. You spend most of your time making your families comfortable. Without a doubt, you are a loving and caring person.

But there is a problem that happens too often with loving, caring people like us. We become so selfless that no “self” is left for us.

There is a better way to love and care for others. Start by putting you first.

You, body, mind, soul, spirit - a mind map for personal growth

Should you always put yourself first? Not literally. However, your spiritual, physical, and emotional well-being must become a priority.  By practicing excellent self-care, you will think clearer and have more energy to care for others.

Devote some time each day to care for your spirit, mind, and body. There is no one way to do this. You have to discover what best works for you.

Here are the 3 priorities for putting you first. 

    1. The Spiritual You– Start each day with prayer and meditation. Talk to God about your problems and concerns for the day.  Trust God for guidance with your tasks and decisions.
    2. The Emotional You– Whatever is going on in your mind drives your emotions.  Let go of past hurts and disappointments by practicing forgiveness. If necessary, find a professional to help you let go of emotional pain. Find a way to relax each day.
    3. The Physical You– Practice good health habits each day. Eat healthier. Get a regular exercise routine. Get enough sleep. Start by making small changes and set goals for yourself.

one woman with her eyes closed

Finally, …

You deserve to be your best self.  The people you love and serve will greatly benefit from a healthy and stress-free you!

Question: What changes have you made recently to take better care of you?  You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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4 Of The Worse Things To Say To Someone With Depression…

and what to do or say instead!

Snap out of it! If you are suffering from depression, it’s some of the worse advice you can get. If you are attempting to help someone with depression, it’s one of the worse things you can say. Why? Read on.

Depression is a serious illness. It can be life-threatening.  According to WebMD, if someone has the following symptoms for two weeks or more, it could be depression.

  • Feeling sad, hopeless, or tearful nearly every day.
  • Loss of interest or not getting pleasure from most daily activities that they used to enjoy.

What do you say to someone with depression?  Here are 4 comments to avoid, and some suggestions for what to do or say instead.

1. This is just a phase. It will pass soon.  Yes, it is a phase, but it may not pass soon. In fact, without treatment, the depression could get worse.
Instead, you can say, “I hope you feel better soon,” or “How can I help you?”

Instead, try encouraging him or her to see a doctor (Matthew 25:36, Philippians 2:4).

2. Just give it to God. They have. People dealing with depression are desperate for help. They may even question their faith because of their feelings of defeat. Worse, some religious groups may equate mental illnesses such as depression as demonic.

Try reminding the depressed person she is dealing with an illness. Reassure her of God’s love for her. Offer to pray for her or with her (James 5:14-15, Psalm 41:3).

3. Happiness is a choice. Given a choice, no one would choose depression over happiness. Depressed people struggle daily to put on a happy face, but they are hurting deep inside.  

Try allowing them to share their feelings freely and openly. Be careful. Do not try to talk them out of their feelings. However, if they are having suicidal thoughts, call 911 immediately. Reassure them they can choose to get well (Proverbs 17:22, Psalm 147:3).

4. You should get out more. On most days, depressed people struggle to get out of bed.  Their appearances may begin to suffer. They may not have the energy to keep the house clean. They can become withdrawn.

Again, encourage the depressed person to see their doctor. Better yet, offer to drive him there (Matthew 9:12, Jeremiah 8:22).

Finally…There is life after depression! You can read about my struggle with depression at my blog, How Healed Emotions Causes Transformation.

Some links are listed below that will help you determine if what you or your loved one is going through is actually depression.

Families for Depression Awareness

Depression Screening Test (PsychCentral)

Depression Health Center (WebMd)

Depression: major depressive disorder (Mayo Clinic)

We love hearing from you. Click here to leave a question or comment.

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3 STEPS FOR BREAKING THE BAD

Get Started with Kicking That Bad Habit

Think of just one thing you do that has become a habit.  It could be something you repeat every minute or every hour.

Overweight Woman Eating Chips, Drinking Wine And SmokingIt could be something you do weekly, monthly or yearly. You may hate doing it or you might immensely enjoy it! 

But now, this habit is causing problems for you or someone you are close to.

If you are not sure your habit is a problem, please answer, “yes” or “no,” to each of the four questions below.

  1. Has someone asked you more than once to stop doing it?       
  2. Is it a problem for someone else that you know well?
  3. Does it adversely affect your health?
  4. When you are not doing it, or you constantly thinking about it?

If you answered, “Yes,” to at least one of the above questions, you could be stuck in a bad habit.

Without a doubt, breaking a bad habit is difficult. Even worse, the longer you’ve practiced the habit, the harder it is to stop doing it.

But here’s the good news! You can break that bad habit. Here are 3 steps to get you started.

Overweight Woman Sitting On Sofa Eating Bowl Of Fresh Fruit

1. Awareness.

For most of us, our bad habits are obvious. But for others, there is this thing called, “denial.”

You’ve taken the quiz above.  You answered, “Yes,” to one question. Are you still not convinced? Talk it over with your loved ones. They will tell you the truth. Believe them.

2. Acknowledge.

Now that you are aware of your bad habit, own up to it.  Say to yourself, “I have a problem with _______.  I want to stop doing this.” Repeat this often each day until it sinks in. But please, do not stop here.

Next, you must consent with yourself to change. Nothing can happen if you don’t commit yourself to making a change. Go all in! You deserve a better life.

3. Action.

Develop a plan. Do not try to solve all your problems at once. Start with your most serious, bad habit. After you experience success with it, move on to the next issue.

It is essential to replace the unhealthy habit with a healthy one.  Some examples are: pausing before speaking, drinking water instead of snacking, walking instead of watching television. Practice is the key!

Educate yourself. A good place to start is to read my previous post, My Cycle of Healing for Toxic Fear. The principles discussed there can work for here.

Bad habits can be outward signs of underlying emotional problems. Get help from your doctor, pastor, or support groups. You don’t have to do this alone.

Transformation is a life-long journey. Be encouraged. You are already making your life better. Talk to us about your success or problems by leaving a comment below.  We love sharing with you.

Here are some other online resources on changing bad habits that I use and find very helpful.

 You can leave a comment by clicking here. (You can read my Comments Policy by clicking here.)

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SHATTERED HOPES AND BROKEN DREAMS

5 Steps for Recovering From the Hurt

3 True Stories of Shattered Hopes and Broken Dreams

A young man has dreams of escaping the poverty he was born into. He uses his talent to break into the entertainment industry. His first performance fails. Now he is once again staring at the face of   poverty.

A 52-year old, former teacher has invested her life in service to others.  Sadly, on this day, she is arrested for trying to do the right thing.

A young woman is engaged and planning her wedding . But everything changes when she discovers she is pregnant, and the father is not her fiancé.

Who are these 3 people? See below.

iStock_000038156316_Large

The young man is Tyler Perry. He is a contemporary film producer, director, screenwriter, playwright, author, and songwriter. Also a philanthropist, he has given millions to humanitarian causes.

The 52 year old woman is Susan B. Anthony.  She’s best remembered for her role in the Women’s Suffragist Movement. The Susan B. Anthony amendment of 1920 gave all women the right to vote.

The young woman is Mary, Mother of Jesus.

We now see that great things can still follow shattered hopes and dreams. First, we have to recover from the hurt.

Here are 5 steps to help you heal from your setback toward greatness. These 5  steps are far from complete. But we’ve got to start somewhere. So, let’s get going!

5 Steps for recovering from the hurt

  1. Accept it. It is what it is!  Your plans failed. Your hopes are shattered.  It’s over. Admit to it.  Accept the painful truth. But don’t stop here. This is the beginning of  your healing process.
  2. Mourn the loss. Your dream meant everything to you. Take time to mourn your loss. Cry hard! Talk it out with a sympathetic friend. Journal your feelings. Pray. Avoid artificial means of coping.  Alcohol, drugs, and food, will only temporarily numb your pain .
  3. Keep the faith. This is the part where you get to work on yourself. Forgive where needed. Spend time nurturing your spiritual being.  Susan B. Anthony grew up in a Quaker family. Tyler Perry is open about his faith. Mary- well, you know the rest of that story!
  4. Bounce back.  As soon as you can get back in the game, go for it! Keep repeating the 3 steps above while expecting your healing to occur. Speak positive affirmations to yourself. Ignore the voices of negativity.
  5. Start now.  No more procrastination.  Write out your goals and plans.  Work on them each day. You are stronger now. You are wiser now.

Use the steps above that work for you. Disregard any that don’t.  Whatever you do, never give up!

Remember this; You were created to share your greatness with this world. This is who you are.

For help with healing the toxic emotions that surfaces during difficult times, click here.

Question: Have you recovered from any shattered hopes or broken dreams? How so?  You can leave a comment by clicking here. (You can read my Comments Policy by clicking here.)

References:

  1. Susan B. Anthony, http://www.pbs.org/godinamerica/people/susan-b-anthony.html.
  2. Mary,http://www.christianity.about.com/od/newtestamentpeople/p/marymotherjesus.htm.
  3. Tyler Perry, http://www.tylerperry.com